


i can’t sleep help

by apathetic_exe



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Chaos, Chats, Fluff, Fundy - Freeform, Gen, Humor, Nihachu - Freeform, Niki - Freeform, Quackity - Freeform, Schlatt - Freeform, Sleepy Boys, Wilbur Soot - Freeform, all platonic relationships - Freeform, chatfic, dream team, dreamwastaken - Freeform, eret - Freeform, friends - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform, mcyt - Freeform, my hands hurt ow, no romantic relationships, philza - Freeform, quackity has wings, sapnap - Freeform, there’s too many people to tag them all oops, this is mostly self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apathetic_exe/pseuds/apathetic_exe
Summary: The Sleepy Boys— Tommy, Technoblade, Wilbur, and Philza— make a group chat and add too many of their friends. Watch the chaos ensue :)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Dave | Technoblade, Alexis | Quackity & Eret, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, Eret & Floris | Fundy, Eret & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Eret & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Eret & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 20
Kudos: 379





	1. -{technobitchh: Oh god no}-

**Author's Note:**

> All spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional! :)

** 2:06 a.m. **

**_CRIMECHILD_ has added _technobitchh_ , _Philza_ , and _wilbuh_ to _BIG MEN_**

**CRIMECHILD** : HAHAAHAH COME ON IN BOYS

 **wilbuh** : this isn't a fucking house tommy

 **technobitchh** : Might as well be. hold on lemme change the name

**_technobitchh_ has changed the chat name to _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**Philza** : Tommy, you should be in bed. Why are you up, you have school tomorrow

 **CRIMECHILD** : that's such a LAME NMAE TECHNO

 **CRIMECHILD** : WAIT PHIL WHY CAN TECHNO AND WILL STAY UP LATE BUT NOT ME??

 **Philza** : Because they're in college, and they also manage to wake up on time even when they stay up late. You can't even get out of bed when you go to sleep at six

 **wilbuh** : so true, you're such a child compared to us tommy

 **CRIMECHILD** : AM NOT

 **CRIMECHILD** : I AM A MAN

 **CRIMECHILD** : I AM THE BIGGEST MAN

 **technobitchh** : I can squash you like a fly, tommy. you're not even close to bein a man

 **Philza** : I also want to point out that Tommy's display name here has the word "child" in it. :)

 **CRIMECHILD** : FUCK YOU THAT WASNT ME

 **CRIMECHILD** : WILBUR DID IT YOU KNOW HTHAT

**_CRIMECHILD_ has changed their name to _BIG MAN_**

**wilbuh** : i'm already getting tired of tommy's constant text-screaming. can i add more people to the chat?

 **BIG MAN** : OH YEAH I NEED TO ADD TUBBO

 **BIG MAN** : LMAO ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT GUY

**_BIG MAN_ has added _Tubo :D!!_ to _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**BIG MAN** : TUBBO

 **BIG MAN** : TUBBO

 **BIG MAN** : TUBBO

 **BIG MAN** : TUB

 **BIG MAN** : shit

 **BIG MAN** : TUBBO

 **Tubo :D!!** : hello tommy :D

 **BIG MAN** : HELLO BIG T

 **BIG MAN** : WELCOME

 **wilbuh** : i'm going to add some people

 **technobitchh** : Wait no

**_wilbuh_ has added _tiredbi_ , _owodweamuwu_ , _gogy_ , _sepnep_ , _fuckoff_ , _the President_ , _q-q-quackk_ , and _niki_ to _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**technobitchh** : Oh god no

 **owodweamuwu** : hewwo technowo :3

 **BIG MAN** : what the fuck dream?????????

 **owodweamuwu** : towommy! im so hawppy two see yew uwu

 **gogy** : stfu dream, stop doing that

 **owodweamuwu** : whyy? it's so funny LOL

 **owodweamuwu** : hahaha i almost sound like fundy when i do that

 **sepnep** : OOOOHHHH good one dream

 **fuckoff** : .

**_fuckoff_ has left _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**_wilbuh_ has added _fuckoff_ to _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**wilbuh** : no escape, fundy :) once you're in you can never get out

 **fuckoff** : fuck you

 **fuckoff** : you've gotta be kidding me

 **tiredbi** : I think he's completely serious, actually

 **the President** : What is this

 **the President** : Wilbur

 **wilbuh** : don't worry about it schlatt

 **sepnep** : imma go jump down a slide now brb

 **gogy** : ...what?

 **q-q-quackk** : what's happening ?

 **q-q-quackk** : i was getting my precious sleep and suddenly my phone is a fucking sound bomb

 **technobitchh** : I told him not to add anyone, I have been ignored

 **technobitchh** : Defying me is not something you would like to do, Wilbur

 **q-q-quackk** : AAAAAAAAH TECHBO

 **q-q-quackk** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**_q-q-quackk_ has left _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**technobitchh** : ...

 **technobitchh** : He was weak anyway.

 **wilbuh** : harsh

**_wilbuh_ has added _q-q-quackk_ to _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

**wilbuh** : no escape, alex

 **q-q-quackk** : ??? GET ME AWAY FROM HIAM

 **technobitchh** : Away from who?

 **q-q-quackk** : AAGAGGAAAGGGGGAAAGAGFHJFHDGJSLKF GO AWAYYYYYY

 **q-q-quackk** : WILBUR WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

 **q-q-quackk** : FUCKING WHY

 **wilbuh** : do what? i'm very innocent in this situation :)

 **niki** : hello! what's this?

 **q-q-quackk** : NIKIII HELLPPP PPPPPP

 **BIG MAN** : you shouldn't be scared of techno, big q

 **BIG MAN** : he's just a farm animal

 **BIG MAN** : with swords

 **q-q-quackk** : THATS STILL TERRIFYING

 **technobitchh** : :)

 **q-q-quackk** : FUCK OFFF

 **q-q-quackk** : YOU FUICKING TRAUMOTIZED ME

 **Philza** : Stop terrorizing people, Techno

 **Philza** : It won't look good on your resume

 **technobitchh** : But who needs a good resume when you have a Tommy to work for you

 **BIG MAN** : SHUT UP

 **BIG MAN** : I WORK FOR NOBODY

 **wilbuh** : that's a fucking lie and we both know it

 **owodweamuwu** : owo?

 **gogy** : go to sleep dream, for the last time

 **tiredbi** : Maybe you need to tuck him in, George

 **tiredbi** : He's like a toddler but without the innocence

 **gogy** : i want to fucking punt him

 **owodweamuwu** : WHAT

 **owodweamuwu** : george :( you would NEVER

 **gogy** : oh yes i would

 **gogy** : go to SLEEP

 **gogy** : and change your name, it's too long and hard to read

 **owodweamuwu** : fine :(

**_owodweamuwu_ has changed their name to _dre_**

**dre** : better?

 **gogy** : yes

 **sepnep** : guys i think my

 **sepnep** : oh fuck

 **tiredbi** : What?

 **sepnep** : i think my leg is broke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Thank you for stopping by to read :)
> 
> Some basic stuff to know about this fic is that Tommy, Wilbur, and Techno aren't actually adopted by Phil--- rather, they just live with him. However they do treat him like their dad, so it's still got that Sleepy Boys dad & sons dynamic.  
> Also, everyone in this fic has at least some resemblance to their Minecraft skins (or just have random modifications because I love my headcanons too much to not use them). I'll list them all off right here: 
> 
> Eret - Glowing white eyes, wears sunglasses to cover them at all times (except around his closest friends)
> 
> Fundy - Fox ears and tail, although he wears a hat a lot as well to cover up the ears
> 
> Dream - He loves to wear his signature smiley mask whenever he can, but sadly for him masks aren't allowed to be worn in the college HAH SUCKER. Also wears mostly green hoodies & jackets all the time
> 
> George - He has those white goggles. They're colorblind glasses as well so he's usually wearing them
> 
> Quackity - He has some golden-grey duck wings because I said so :)) he can fly with them, but he hasn't practiced in a while so he's kind of shit at it lol
> 
> Techno - Has a pig snout with tusks coming out of it. Also has pig hooves instead of feet but has regular human hands, and pig ears. He has his nice, long pink hair too, of course :) (I can't believe I forgot that oops)
> 
> Jschlatt - He has ram horns and ears, his eye pupils are a bit like a ram's
> 
> Philza - Has his signature green-striped hat, and also has an elytra that he uses so much that nobody's seen him take it off for years
> 
> That's it for now!! When I add more people I'll probably make a separate chapter for this in the start lol.  
> Another thing I'll mention is that there aren't going to be any ships in this or anything like that! :)  
> Also I'm gonna list off the people in the gc and their corresponding names next chapter just figure it out for yourselves for now okay byeee :DD


	2. -{sepnep: STOP ARGUING AND JUST HELP ME}-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! :) Here's the character list so far and their corresponding chat names. 
> 
> Philza - Philza  
> Tommy - BIG MAN  
> Wilbur - wilbuh  
> Techno - technobitchh  
> Tubbo - Tubo :D!!  
> Fundy - fuckoff  
> Eret - tiredbi  
> Niki - niki  
> Dream - dre  
> George - gogy  
> Sapnap - sepnep  
> Quackity - q-q-quackk  
> Schlatt - the President
> 
> All misspellings and grammar mistakes are intentional! :)

**_sbi's house. no entry for the weak_ **

** 3:11 a.m. **

**sepnep** : GUYS IM SERIOUS HELP

 **gogy** : you do this like, every other day sapnap. get a life

 **sepnep** : nononono i swear

 **sepnep** : i jumped down this fuckin slide and it broke my leg

 **sepnep** : it HURTDS

 **BIG MAN** : TAKE IT LIKE A MAN

 **BIG MAN** : WALK IT OFF

 **sepnep** : HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WALK OFF A BROKEN LEG

 **BIG MAN** : IF TECHNOBLADE CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU, BITCHC

 **tiredbi** : ?? Is that true, Techno?

 **technobitchh** : Oh, yeah. Wilbur pushed me down a flight of stairs one time and it broke my leg

 **technobitchh** : I got up and walked off right after, didn't even break a sweat. Isn't that right, Will? :)

 **wilbuh** : no comment.

 **fuckoff** : I smell lies

 **BIG MAN** : is it because you're a furry

 **fuckoff** : I FUCKING HATE IT HERE. 

**BIG MAN** : LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Tubo :D!!** : :0c

 **fuckoff** : ALL OF YOU

 **fuckoff** : I HATE ALLLLL OF YOU

 **sepnep** : PLEASE GUYS PLEASE

 **sepnep** : STOP ARGUING AND JUST HELP ME

 **tiredbi** : I'm starting to get a feeling that sapnap might not be lying

 **sepnep** : YES I'M NOT ERET PLEASE

 **dre** : sap doesn't usually say please unless he's actually serious

 **dre** : i say we abandon him to get kidnapped at the playground

 **sepnep** : WHAT THE FUCK NO

 **sepnep** : JUST COME GET ME QUICK PLESAKE

 **sepnep** : BEFORE A FUCKING.. SERIAL KILLER GETS ME OR SOMETHING

 **niki** : Maybe we should get him!! It sounds urgent :(

 **Tubo :D!!** : we'd need somone fast to get him

 **wilbuh** : perhaps someone who can fly? 

**q-q-quackk** : ...

 **q-q-quackk** : philza can fly right?? he's got those elytras haha

 **sepnep** : ITS SO DARK OUT

 **gogy** : then why did you go out to jump off a slide at three in the morning

 **gogy** : it was dark when you got there

 **sepnep** : YEAH BUT I DIDNT HAVE A FUCKING BROKE LEG THEN

 **gogy** : fair enough i guess

 **Philza** : Sorry Quackity, but I can't get him. I have an actual life and need to wake up early tomorrow morning

 **q-q-quackk** : ww w wwh what

 **technobitchh** : I guess you're going to go get him then. Off you go, Quack

 **q-q-quackk** : oh god fine

 **sepnep** : FINALLY

 **q-q-quackk** : someone's gotta come with me though

 **tiredbi** : I can come, it's not like I was going to be able to sleep anyway

 **tiredbi** : plus, I'm fast enough to keep up with your flying

 **fuckoff** : His flying is terrible, anybody could keep up with him

 **q-q-quackk** : stfu nick wilde

 **fuckoff** : YOU'RE DEAD. YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD, BITCH.

 **q-q-quackk** : off i go then! :)) meet you at the bus stop, eret

 **tiredbi** : okay

** Eret POV **

I grab my jacket and put on my shoes, sighing. Why did Sapnap decide to jump off of slides at 3 in the morning? He could've done this in the middle of the day instead and let me try to sleep for once. Ah well.

I jog out and meet Quackity at the bus stop that joins our streets together. He's got a beanie on, of course, and he yawns as he stretches his golden-grey wings out behind him. "Ready?" he says, tilting his head. "Luckily I've started practicing a little more recently, so I'll get there fast enough."

I nod and back away a little to give him space to take off. He jumps up and with a few flaps of his wings he's hovering above me, grinning. I squint up at him, the street lamps making it hard to see up. "Does flying feel nice?"

"Yeah!" Quackity flies higher, looking over houses and trees to find Sapnap. "He didn't tell us which playground he's at. He was probably lost. What a dumbass."

I snort and follow Quackity as he shoots off. He's a lot faster than he let on, holy hell. I run and duck past poles and signs, looking up every now and then to make sure I was still following him. We eventually make it to a playground with the biggest slide I've ever seen, and Sapnap is slouched underneath, his left leg bent at a weird angle. 

I grimace. I guess he really wasn't lying. 

Quackity lands down right in front of Sapnap, startling him and making him drop his phone. "Oh, thank god!! At least I know there's _some_ people who won't leave their friends to die." Sapnap says, looking relieved. 

I run up to them and crouch next to Sapnap, inspecting his leg. "Wow. What the hell, dude?"

Sapnap grumbles something, then replies, "I just wanted to do something fun. I was bored, what'd you expect."

"For you to _not_ jump off a slide, for one." Quackity laughs and pokes at Sapnap's leg experimentally. Sapnap yelps and tries to lean away, wincing. "Yeah. Let's get you to a hospital."

"And how're you going to do that, genius?" Sapnap glares at the winged man. "You can't _carry_ me there."

"Why can't we just call an ambulance? Why didn't you do that in the first place, actually?" I cut in, frowning. 

"Because it's boring that way."

"Because Sapnap's dumb."

Sapnap opens his mouth, about to argue, but Quackity moves behind him before he can say anything and loops his arms under Sapnap's. "Ready to fly, slide boy?"

"Wh--" and suddenly they're up above the ground, Quackity smiling down at me mischievously. "Put me down! You're gonna fucking drop me!"

"I think you're underestimating him, Sapnap." I say, staring up at them as Quackity flies up above the trees. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be fine!" I shout, smirking a little as I hear Sapnap let out a string of curses and Quackity laughing his ass off. 

"Stop laughing, I'm slipping! Jesus fucking--"

**_sbi's house. no entry for the weak_ **

** 3:56 a.m. **

**tiredbi** : The Sapnap has been acquired

 **tiredbi** : _[sent image, 3:56 a.m.]_

 **the President** : Holy fuck, is Alex _carrying_ him?? I never thought he was strong enough to do that

 **tiredbi** : I wouldn't say his flying is terrible anymore, Fundy

 **tiredbi** : Even I couldn't keep up with him when we went looking for Sapnap

 **fuckoff** : Fuck off Eret

 **q-q-quackk** : LOL STOP SCREAMIGN SAP

 **sepnep** : DONT FCUKING TEXT WHIELE FLYINGN OH MYG OD

 **wilbuh** : i feel like sapnap's more likely to die from quackity dropping him than from a serial killer in a children's playground

 **technobitchh** : Yep

 **BIG MAN** : HAHAHAAHAHHA FUCKIN LOSER

 **tiredbi** : Don't worry Sapnap, I'll catch you if you fall :)

 **sepnep** : THNAK YOU ERET

 **gogy** : honestly, even if he did die, i wouldn't really miss him

 **dre** : wow

 **BIG MAN** : HAHAHHAHAHAA

 **BIG MAN** : DID YOU SEE THAT SAPNAP

 **BIG MAN** : HE SAID HE WONT MISS YOU

 **sepnep** : yes i did, tommy

 **sepnep** : my new best friends are quackity and eret now, they're nicer

 **dre** : wait WHAT

 **dre** : NOOOOOOOO

 **tiredbi** : Well at least something good came out of this :)

 **tiredbi** : Anyway, we're at the hospital now

 **tiredbi** : _[sent image, 4:00 a.m.]_

 **q-q-quackk** : omgg sapnap stop cursing at me you're making me blushhh

 **sepnep** : what the fuck dude i'll punt your winged ass to hell you bitch piece of shhfdkitogk

 **sepnep** : HI IM SAPNAP UWU UWU IM SAPNAP I LOVE JUMPING OFF SLIDES AND BREAKING MY LEGS AND MAKING MY FRIENDS FLY ME OVER TO HOSPITALS OWO OWO HAHAHKJSFSOJGH

 **tiredbi** : _[sent image, 4:01 a.m.]_

 **tiredbi** : They are currently fighting over Sapnap's phone

 **tiredbi** : I bet Quackity will win since he doesn't have a broken leg lol

 **tiredbi** : Oh, Sapnap's threatening to take Quackity's best friendship status, uh oh

 **dre** : good. he's MY best friend

 **gogy** : stop being so clingy dream, it's not like he's actually going to stop being our best friend

 **gogy** : he's too much of a baby to take care of himself without us anyway

 **BIG MAN** : FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 **Philza** : Don't provoke them, Tommy

 **BIG MAN** : WHY NOT???

 **Philza** : Don't yell at me, Tommy. :)

 **BIG MAN** : yes sorry phil i won't sorry

 **technobitchh** : Philza holds such power, it's incredible

 **wilbuh** : agreed

 **wilbuh** : anyway, who's going to pay sapnap's hospital bill?

 **tiredbi** : Oh shit uh

 **tiredbi** : I guess I can do it

 **fuckoff** : You're too nice, Eret. You should've let Phil pay it or something

 **tiredbi** : Nah, I don't want anyone else spending money on this guy

 **sepnep** : what do you mean, "this guy"?? i'm not just some guy, eret

 **tiredbi** : ?

 **tiredbi** : Anyway, it looks like Quackity gave Sap's phone back

 **tiredbi** : Hopefully we'll be out of the hospital by the time school starts

 **q-q-quackk** : fuck you're right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! :D This chapter is around 1000 words long lol, I think I write too much... oops? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed :) I haven't written fanfics in a while so I'm a little out of practice, but I think this is good enough hahah  
> Also sorry if I'm not able to include every character I've added into every chapter, I've never made a chatfic before so I honestly have no idea what I'm doing lmaoo.


	3. -{q-q-quackk: ohhh he's pissed now}-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional! :D

_**sbi's house. no entry for the weak** _

**6:00 a.m.**

**Philza** : Everybody up!

 **Philza** : Time for school

 **wilbuh** : what makes you think any of us actually slept last night, phil

 **Philza** : Absolutely nothing. You all just need to get your asses out of bed

 **q-q-quackk** : we're still at the hospital

 **tiredbi** : Me and Quack have to take Sapnap to school ourselves because apparently he can't drive with a broken leg, smh

 **dre** : loll he's so weak

 **technobitchh** : No entry in the group chat for the weak :)

 _**technobitchh** _ **has kicked _sepnep_ from _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

 **q-q-quackk** : BITCH

 **q-q-quackk** : ADD ME BACK YOU FUCK

 **tiredbi** : Sapnap has taken Quackity's phone and is angrily typing right now

 **q-q-quackk** : STOP REPORTING MY EVERY ACTION ERETJSFIGKDLGH

 **tiredbi** : Quack just took back his phone :) Sap is fuming

 **q-q-quackk** : ohhh he's pissed now

 **q-q-quackk** : watch out technoblade, you're gonna have an angry pissbaby hobbling at you at 60 mph soon

 **BIG MAN** : HAHAHAHHAAAHA

 **BIG** **MAN** : THATS SO FUNNY

 **Tubo :D!!** : good mrning everyone!!

 **gogy** : good morning tubbo

 **dre** : you say good morning to tubbo but not me?? 

**dre** : you're such a bad friend george

 **gogy** : who said i'm your friend

 **dre** : WHAT

 **dre** : GEORGE

 **dre** : I FEEL SO BETRAYED GEORGE

 **technobitchh** : LMAOOOO sucks to suck, green boy

 _**wilbuh** _ **has added _sepnep_ to _sbi's house. no entry for the weak_**

 **sepnep** : THANK YOU, wilbur

 **wilbuh** : no problem

 **technobitchh** : WEAKKK

 **technobitchh** : WEAAAAAAKKKK

 **Philza** : Techno, I thought I told you to stop bullying your friends

 **technobitchh** : This isn't bullying, though. It's merely stating fact :)

 **sepnep** : fuck you

 **BIG** **MAN** : OHHHHHHH THEY FIGHTING

 **Philza** : Shut your mouths and get to school

 **BIG MAN** : yes phil sorry

 **wilbuh** : LMAO

 **Philza** : You too, guitar boy.

 **wilbuh** : i uh

 **wilbuh** : yes phil

 **tiredbi** : When Phil uses periods at the ends of his sentences he's terrifying

 **technobitchh** : ...so he's terrifying all the time?

 **fuckoff** : yes

 **technobitchh** : Good to know.

 **fuckoff** : oh god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else here love Dadza? Because I do :) he's one of my comfort streamers


	4. -{fuckoff: Why is your whole family so goddamn dramatic all the time}-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All grammar mistakes and misspellings are intentional!! :)

_**sbi’s house. no entry for the weak** _

** 10:34 a.m. **

**wilbuh** : how to math

 **technobitchh** : Calculator. 

**wilbuh** : i am no cheater, brother

 **wilbuh** : you will not sway me with your evil ways

 **fuckoff** : Why is your whole family so goddamn dramatic all the time

 **fuckoff** : It’s like you’re all living in a Broadway show

 **wilbuh** : well who knows, maybe we’re all in a broadway show and we don’t know it

 **wilbuh** : there is no way of telling, fundy...

 **fuckoff** : See what I mean??

 **dre** : honestly it’s kind of hilarious LMAO

 **gogy** : go back to class, dream

 **gogy** : why are you all not paying attention

 **sepnep** : he’s talking about fucking _atoms_ , that’s why

 **sepnep** : boringgggg

 **BIG** **MAN** : HAHAHA YOU ALL ARE SUCH LOSERS

 **BIG MAN** : JUST DROP OUT LOLLLL

 **sepnep** : ...that’s actually a good idea

 **gogy** : don’t you fucking dare. i’ll be in so much trouble with your parents

 **gogy** : i promised them i’d keep you in school, asshole

 **sepnep** : good luck with that, then :))

 **gogy** : oh, fuck you

 **technobitchh** : What I don't understand is why school exists in the first place. Anything you learn there is essentially useless in the future. 

**wilbuh** : oh god why're you using periods more now

 **wilbuh** : go back to being partially illiterate like the rest of us

 **technobitchh** : Hmm, let me think about it...

 **technobitchh** : Nah. :)

 **wilbuh** : you are such a bitch

 **technobitchh** : I mean, it's in the name.

 **BIG MAN** : HAHAH I GET IT TECHNOBLADE

 **BIG MAN** : I AM SO INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT.

 **fuckoff** : Ehh, that's debatable

 **BIG MAN** : oh yeah?? well YOURE debatable

 **BIG MAN** : hah

 **BIG MAN** : nothing to say, furry?

 **BIG MAN** : ...

 **BIG MAN** : .......

 **BIG MAN** : ahem.

 **BIG MAN** : hello?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> techno comin in hot with that ✨proper grammar✨


	5. -{dre: lmao you won't}-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All grammar and spelling errors are intentional!
> 
> (sorry for not updating for a while, there is no good excuse-- buuut i've been stuck binge-reading boku no hero academia fics because i suddenly got sucked back into its black hole of a fandom and am trying in vain to crawl my way back out. i forgot how toxic most (keyword most, there are some good people in there) of the fanbase for it is, i can't fuckin escape oh god).

_**sbi's house. no entry for the weak** _

**1:32 p.m.**

**wilbuh** : dream answer your goddamn phone

 **dre** : lol i dunno what you mean wilbur

 **dre** : my phone is perfectly silent and not vibrating

 **BIG MAN** : ANSWER YOUR PHONE, DREAM

 **BIG MAN** : YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF.

 **wilbuh** : lmao karkat kinnie

 **BIG MAN** : WHAT??

 **wilbuh** : what?

 **dre** : ahem. anyway, vague references aside, i have no clue what you mean

 **wilbuh** : just answer it, i am begging on my hands and knees here

 **wilbuh** : it's been ringing nonstop for the past TWO HOURS

 **wilbuh** : what's even worse is the fact that your ringtone is literally technoblade singing

 **dre** : lmao hey, don't you love to listen to your brother's parodies? they're great

 **BIG MAN** : ANDSWER THE PHONE GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

 **BIG MAN** : IVE BEEN RINGING YOU FOR THE PAST TWO GODDAMN OURS

 **gogy** : lol, "andswer", lol, "ours"

 **BIG MAN** : you don't get to make fun of me you're fucking colourblind

 **gogy** : :|

 **dre** : why don't you just text me tomothy? why call

 **BIG MAN** : don't make me fucking go to your house

 **BIG MAN** : I WILL BREAK YOUR WINDOW, WATCH

 **dre** : lmao you won't

 **tubo :D!!** : oh, he defenitley will

 **tubo :D!!** : can confirm, he is rihgt next to me

 **dre** : he won't, he just won't

 **wilbuh** : fuck the gremlin went silent

 **BIG MAN** : is that a challenge dream? 

**tubo :D!!** : OH GOD PLEASE TOMMY NO

 **tubo :D!!** : DONT DO IT TOMNY

 **BIG MAN** : HAHAHAH YOU CANT STOP ME, BITCH

 **BIG MAN** : WATCH

 **wilbuh** : AH FUCK

 **wilbuh** : DREAM IF YOU DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

 **dre** : FINEEEE, jesus

 **dre** : calm down

 **BIG MAN** : FINALLY

**Phone call || _Tommy & Dream_**

_**Dream**_ _:_ What do you want, Tommy? I'm in the middle of something here.

 _ **Tommy**_ _:_ Yeah, yeah, I need your help, big man!

 ** _Dream_** _:_ I'm _doing_ something, what could be more important than--

 _ **Wilbur** : [In background, muffled]_ FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKING BITCH SHIT FUCK, SAPNAP GET YOUR BROKEN LEGGED ASS RIGHT BACK HERE THIS FUCKING INSTANT

 _ **Sapnap**_ _: [In background, muffled]_ NO! NO, YOU CAN'T-- PUNZ OH GOD PLEASE PUNZ, SPARE ME, SPARE-- 

_**Dream**_ _:_ Uh. You can obviously tell we're doing something important. 

_**Tommy**_ _:_ What the fuck?? Are you torturing Sapnap or something?

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ I guess, haha. Sapnap refused to go home and so I decided to grab Punz.

 ** _Tommy_** _:_ The fuck would you need Punz for?

 ** _Tubbo_** _:_ _[In background, muffled]_ Tommy, what's the answer to question three?

 ** _Tommy_** _:_ Oh yeah, the answer I put down is _I don't give a flying fuck._ School is pointless, you don't need a-- *gag* _education_ , Tubbo. I'm throwing up just thinking about it.

 ** _Tubbo_** _:_ But you're not--

 ** _Tommy_** _:_ BLURUURUUFHGGH, there, I vomited and shit. Anyway, Dream, I need you to come to our house ASAP!

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ But why? I've got my hands full here already, Tommy. Give me one good reason I should go over there instead of watching this, which is prime entertainment, by the way.

 ** _Punz_** _:_ _[In background, muffled]_ Dream, Sapnap got away again. 

**_George_** _: [In background, muffled_ _]_ How is he so fast, he's got a broken leg AND we paid Punz. 

_**Punz**_ _: [In background, muffled]_ Well maybe you're just not paying me enough.

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ Shush, Punz, don't make me hire Purpled, too.

 _ **Purpled** : [In background,_ _muffled]_ I've been summoned.

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ What the f--

 _ **Tommy** : _Pay attention to me, Dream! What I need your help with involves a hit list.

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ Did you say hit list? I'm listening.

 _ **Tommy**_ _:_ Oh, so THAT'S what catches your attention?? Jesus christ-- anyway, come to my house and I'll give you the details. I swear, you will have so much fucking fun. Bring Punz and Purpled too, I guess.

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ I'll be right over. C'mon, you two, we've got a new hit list. :)

 _ **Purpled**_ _:_ _[In background, muffled_ _]_ Huh? But don't you remember last time--

 _ **Punz**_ _: [In background, muffled]_ Shh, shhh, I don't care, as long as you don't make me chase after Sapnap. I don't feel like wrestling him into a wheelchair ever again.

 _ **Wilbur**_ _: [In background, muffled]_ Wait, you're just going to leave me here with the pissbaby? What the fuck, this is betrayal at its absolute worst.

 _ **Dream**_ _:_ Stop being dramatic, Wilbur. George is going to stay here with you.

 ** _George_** _: [In background, muffled]_ Hey, no! Don't leave me here!

 ** _Tommy_** _:_ I'll leave it to you, then! I'll be waiting, Dream... HAHAHAH--

_**Tommy** _ **has hung up on _Dream_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the past few months in a few short sentences:
> 
> my wrist hurts
> 
> school is a bitch
> 
> bnha has taken over my brain AGAIN, WHY MUST IT HAUNT ME
> 
> binge-reading bnha fics to satisfy my hyperfixation's sudden & rabid hunger has been my life for weeks now
> 
> ahem.
> 
> my motivation decided to go for a dive and only came back up for air after a few weeks. it is half-dead and i'm convinced that a literal demon is seizing my mind to crush my will into pieces along with my ability to do anything remotely creative for long periods of time. either that, or i'm slowly devolving into a lazy shit, which is also an unfortunately solid possibility. 
> 
> anyway enjoy my brain being a bitch while i suffer and scream into the void (which is watching me and laughing in my face, by the way).

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! Thank you for stopping by to read :)
> 
> Some basic stuff to know about this fic is that Tommy, Wilbur, and Techno aren't actually adopted by Phil--- rather, they just live with him. However they do treat him like their dad, so it's still got that Sleepy Boys dad & sons dynamic.  
> Also, everyone in this fic has at least some resemblance to their Minecraft skins (or just have random modifications because I love my headcanons too much to not use them). I'll list them all off right here: 
> 
> Eret - Glowing white eyes, wears sunglasses to cover them at all times (except around his closest friends)
> 
> Fundy - Fox ears and tail, although he wears a hat a lot as well to cover up the ears
> 
> Dream - He loves to wear his signature smiley mask whenever he can, but sadly for him masks aren't allowed to be worn in the college HAH SUCKER. Also wears mostly green hoodies & jackets all the time
> 
> George - He has those white goggles. They're colorblind glasses as well so he's usually wearing them
> 
> Quackity - He has some golden-grey duck wings because I said so :)) he can fly with them too
> 
> Techno - Has a pig snout with tusks coming out of it. Also has pig hooves instead of feet but has regular human hands, and pig ears. He has his nice, long pink hair too, of course :) 
> 
> Jschlatt - He has ram horns and ears, his eye pupils are a bit like a ram's
> 
> Philza - Has his signature green-striped hat, and also has an elytra that he uses so much that nobody's seen him take it off for years
> 
> That's it for now!! When I add more people I'll probably make a separate chapter for this in the start lol.  
> Another thing I'll mention is that there aren't going to be any ships in this or anything like that! :)  
> Also I'm gonna list off the people in the gc and their corresponding names next chapter just figure it out for yourselves for now okay byeee :DD


End file.
